POWER OF CONNECTION

One of the conscious growth
principles I’ve been teaching for
years is the principle of Love.
This principle states that you’ll
grow significantly faster — and
enjoy the process of growth
much more — when your life is
rich in supportive, encouraging
connections.
People violate this principle
constantly — and to their
detriment when they do so. Partly
that
happens because they don’t
understand this principle deeply
enough.
Consider two scenarios:
Scenario A – You wake up on a
typical weekday morning, alone.
As you open your eyes, you
see several piles of clutter,
including bills, reminding you that
you need to sort through
them. Your roommate hears you
get up, pops through the doorway
of your room, puffs some
smoke from a cigarette in your
direction, then glares at you and
says, “Hey lazy ass, you’d
better hurry up or you’ll be late.
By the way… Greg is coming over
tonight. I know you don’t
like him, so just deal with it.” You
go to the bathroom and brush your
teeth, noticing how dirty
the place is.
Scenario B – You wake up on a
typical weekday morning. Your
lover is lying in bed next to
you, and s/he cuddles up against
you, embraces you tightly, and
says, “It feels so good to
cuddle you. I love you. Mmmmm…
And you really turn me on,
sexiness! [Snarl]” S/he
massages you a bit, which
generates some feel-good
endorphins. As you get out of bed,
you notice a shelf full of books and
pictures that inspire you. You go to
the bathroom and
see your list of goals taped to your
mirror, so you review them as you
brush your teeth.
What’s the difference between
these two scenarios? Essentially it
comes down to each
person’s alignment with the
principle of Love.
Which situation would you prefer?
The second one seems like a nicer
one to experience,
but there ’s a more subtle
difference that might be harder to
accept. The second person is
likely to grow and change much
faster than the first.
In the first case, the person is
wallowing in unsupportive
connections. The cluttered
environment, the unsympathetic
roommate, the messy bathroom —
these will typically build
stress, which reduces the person’s
inner resourcefulness and
promotes stagnation. It’s
hard to feel motivated when your
day begins like this. Imagine how
the rest of the day is
likely to turn out if this is how it
starts.
In the second case, the person has
created an environment that’s
positive and supportive.
From the lover’s touch to the
positive books and pictures to the
list of goals, this person is
likely to start the day with
uplifting, motivating thoughts.
Imagine how the rest of the day is
likely to turn out.
Which scenario does your life
resemble?
Neutrality Sucks
Perhaps you’re in the middle
somewhere. You might think that’s
a neutral situation. Maybe
you don’t have much positive
support, but the negative stimuli
aren’t present either.
Generally speaking, that’s still a
negative situation growth-wise. A
lack of positive support
will slow you down tremendously.
It’s not enough to avoid the
negatives. You need to add
the positives. Otherwise you’re still
likely to stagnate. Neutrality is
just another form of
stuckness.
Positive support is like gravity. It
pulls you in the direction of
positive growth. It might take
some work to set it up at first, but
it usually takes little effort to
maintain. Without that gravity
helping you out, you ’ll have to
push yourself constantly, and that
isn’t very sustainable. You
want to give yourself every
advantage, and this includes
creating a super-supportive
environment.
Each scenario maintains itself. You
can expect that the following days
in each timeline will
look essentially the same. The
clutter will probably still be there
the next day. So will the
inspiring books and pictures.
Neither person has to work at it —
the continuity just happens.
Unconscious vs. Conscious
Connecting
Which scenario you experience is a
matter of choice. But it’s not about
choosing between A
or B. It’s about exercising your
power to choose vs. not exercising
it. It’s about being
conscious vs. unconscious.
No one really chooses the first
scenario or even a neutral
scenario. It’s just something you
fall into. In the absence of direct
conscious intervention, these types
of scenarios happen
organically.
Scenario B, however, is no accident.
This scenario happens because
someone deliberately
chooses to create it.
Even the presence of a supportive
lover isn’t an accident. It’s a choice.
Sure there may be a
lot of action steps and some
courage required to make it
happen, but in the grand scheme
of things, it ’s a very achievable
part of the picture if you make it a
priority.
Alignment with the principle of
Love is one of the key differences
between unconscious and
conscious growth. When someone is
truly on a path of conscious
growth, the telltale sign is
that they ’ve deliberately sculpted
their environment to support their
highest and best vision
of themselves. Whatever doesn’t fit
that vision gets cut.
If you took a highly conscious
person and put them into scenario
A, what would they do?
Get a new roommate or move to a
new place. Clean up the clutter and
dirtiness. Make new
friends who are supportive and
invite them over. Write out some
goals and post them.
Decorate the place with some
inspiring pictures.
A truly conscious person could
make these changes within a few
days max. The conscious
person would be unwilling to
tolerate an environment that doesn
’t support his/her vision.
Their standards would be higher
than that.
Create an Environment That
Supports You
If you think you’re strong enough
to be immune to the effects of your
environment, then let’s
put you in prison for a year and
see how well you thrive there.
If you look at the most conscious
people on earth, you’ll see just how
refined their
environments are, both physically
and socially. Having a home base
that’s super-supportive
gives them the strength to handle
less friendly situations without
getting overly discouraged.
Such people surround themselves
with positive, loving support.
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Start with the easy stuff. Change
some elements of the physical
space you live in.
This can be really simple, so don’t
overcomplicate it. Google a picture
of a place you’d like
to travel to, print it out, and
literally tape it to your wall. How
long will that take? A few minutes
perhaps. You can fancy it up later.
Take the piles of clutter, and stick
them in a closet or drawer
somewhere, so they don’t
serve as a constantly stressor each
time you see them. Pull out a small
bit of the pile each
day, and sort through it little by
little. Or set aside a chunk of time
to go through the whole
thing as fast as possible. Don ’t let
clutter become a negative visual
stimulation that
broadcasts, “You can’t have what
you want because you’re
overwhelmed as it is.”
Make a list of qualities you’d like
to have in friends, lovers,
coworkers, etc. Post it where you
can see it. Spend 10 minutes a day
imagining that you’re already
there. You can do this
while lying in bed as you drift off
to sleep.
Don’t hang out with people who
disempower you. Not only will
they discourage you, but
they’ll turn away the very people
who’d otherwise support and
encourage you. Supportive
people are repelled by negative-
minded people.
Don’t leave your social and
environmental support to chance.
It’s too important. These daily
influences matter. Put yourself in
the advantaged position of scenario
B. You’ll grow much
faster in that situation, and you’ll
enjoy your life more as well.
Make it so.